It is very important to understand the difference between control and care in love. Controlling people makes any beautiful relationship ugly and burdensome. Many times we think that our partner loves us a lot and that is why he interferes in our everything and this is true to some extent. But when we have to ask him about all the decisions from our dress to friends then it is absolutely wrong. But is this true love? Or is it just a subtle attempt to control? And what are the real signs of a controlling partner?
In this blog, we will understand in an emotional and informational way who a controlling partner is and what are its signs, what is its mental impact and how to get out of such a relationship.
Who is the Controlling Partner?
A controlling partner is one who does not maintain equal power balance in the relationship, i.e. he/she wants to have control over your every decision, every step and in every emotion. He/She takes away your freedom in the name of love and you feel that you are in love, while in reality you are trapped in an emotional trap. Let’s know what are the real signs of a controlling partner?
Signs of a Controlling Partner: How to identify a controlling partner?
1. You have to ask for permission for everything
You have to ask him for every small thing like going out, talking to a friend or wearing something of your choice. This is control, not care. Although it cannot be said completely that this is a sign of a controlling partner but it can be one of them, whether permission for everything is a form of control or care, you have to understand this for yourself. Many times such a situation has been seen. If the surroundings aren’t safe, they may stop their partner from going out, talking to a friend, or wearing something — all without asking — thinking it’s for their safety and well-being.
2. Distance from your friends and family
He slowly distances you from your support system. He makes you feel that your own people are against you so that you become completely dependent on him. This is the hallmark of a controlling partner.
3. Pressure to call or text all the time
If you don’t reply immediately, they get angry. They constantly ask questions like ‘Where are you?’ or ‘Who are you with?’ — which isn’t love, it’s suspicion and control. Interestingly, when asked, some people said they ask for quick replies because they often need important things like OTPs or access to urgent emails from their partner at home. So, just to make sure they don’t miss anything important, they keep forcing them to respond quickly. And in this case, it may not be a sign of controlling, that means he needs you.
4. Interferes in your privacy
A controlling partner always tries to check your phone, chats and social media. Always interfering in your privacy means they don’t trust you and he/she is just insecure and wants domination upon you. As we know that trust is a foundation of every relationship, however if there is no trust between you then there is no any means of your relationship. First try to win the trust of your partner but if you do not succeed after well trying, then definitely it is a pure sign of a controlling and toxic partner.
5. Decision-making power lies only with him
What does it mean to be a couple? It means two people becoming one — making decisions together. But if only one person decides what you should do, who you should meet or what you should wear — and makes you feel guilty or emotionally blackmails you when you disagree — then these are clear signs of a controlling and toxic partner.
6. Emotional Manipulation
He makes his mistakes your fault i.e. if you had not done this, I would not have been angry. He puts you in a guilt-trap and forces you to agree with him. And if he is doing this repeatedly, behaving like this on every small and big issue. Then it is clear from this that your partner wants to control you, he wants to make you act according to his will.
7. Over Possessiveness and Jealousy
A little bit of possessiveness can seem like a sign of love and care in a relationship, which may seem cute in the beginning. But when it starts crossing the limits – doubting everything, questioning every interaction, being responsive to every phone call or message – then this cute possessiveness gradually becomes a burden. It not only limits the freedom of the person but also weakens the foundation of trust in the relationship. There should be a place for trust in love, not constant scrutiny.
Psychological Effect of a Controlling Partner | Mental and emotional impact
A controlling relationship is like a slow poison. You lose yourself a little bit every day, like:
- Lack of self-confidence: You feel that you are not capable of making decisions and your own thinking is suppressed.
- Anxiety and Stress: There is fear all the time, which means before saying or doing anything you have to think “what will he think?”
- Emotional Dependency: You feel that he/she is your life and without him/her you are incomplete. This illusion is the biggest weapon of a controlling partner.
- Isolation and loneliness: When you are cut off from your friends and family, loneliness affects both your mind and body.
- Depression and Mood Swings: Living in a controlling environment, your happiness, energy and positive mindset slowly disappear.
Why People Stay in a Controlling Relationship
- Wrong definition of love: We have learned that true love tolerates everything but this thinking keeps us tied in wrong relationships. But in real true love, gives priority to your happiness.
- Fear of loneliness: “What will I do if he leaves?” This thought process creates fertile ground for a controlling partner.
- Hoping that he will change: “He’s really nice sometimes…” — this illusion brings you back into the same toxic cycle over and over again.
- Emotional Blackmail: Sayings like “If you leave me, I will die” create an atmosphere of guilt and fear.
- Self-Doubt and Guilt: A controlling partner repeatedly makes you feel that “it is your mistake…” which slowly erodes your confidence and decision-making.
- Society and Social Pressure: “What will people say?”, “What will the family think?” – These questions make the controlling relationship stronger.
How to identify and get out of a controlling relationship?
- Recognize the signs: Awareness is the first step. If you see the same patterns repeatedly as we have already discussed in this article, then do not ignore it.
- Set boundaries: Healthy relationships have clear boundaries. If your partner crosses them repeatedly, then you should be alert.
- Talk to a trustworthy person: Talk to a friend, sibling or therapist – someone you trust. External viewpoint brings clarity.
- Make yourself financially and emotionally strong: Independence gives you freedom. Start with small things – start making decisions of your own choice, start saving a little.
- Make an exit plan: If you want to come out of this relationship then make a smart strategy – can you live with a trusted person? Do you need legal help? And who can give you emotional support?
- Start the self-healing process: After coming out of a toxic relationship, things like therapy, journaling, meditation will help you reconnect with yourself.
>> Also Read: How to Make Your Partner Smiling Every Day
What is a Healthy Relationship like?
Sometimes, when people experience controlling behavior, they forget what real love is supposed to feel like. So, let’s take a look at some essential elements of a healthy relationship:
- Respect: Valuing each other’s thoughts, feelings, and decisions.
- Trust: A kind of trust where you can express yourself without fear.
- Freedom: Having the space to be yourself — whether it’s meeting friends or pursuing personal goals.
- Communication: In a healthy relationship, nothing is suppressed — everything is discussed openly.
- Equality: Sharing decisions, emotions, and responsibilities equally.”
Conclusion: What to do if you are with a controlling partner?
If you are able to relate to the points written in this blog – then remember: you should talk to your parents first, understand your situation i.e. if everything can be fixed then please try to fix it first, otherwise it is better to take a big decision than being tied in a wrong relationship.
Listen to your inner voice. Prepare a support system and most importantly – trust yourself. There is no control in love, there is freedom in love. There is no fear in love, there is trust in love. There is no pressure in love, there is cooperation in love.
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If you found this blog helpful, then definitely share it – so that more people can understand their relationship in the right direction.
Stay strong. Stay aware. You deserve better.